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It is not a bad time, nor do we have to prepare for anything, nor do we enter an ordeal, nor do we have to attend a specific course ... Simply, our child grows up and we must continue to be there, as parents, to accompany him in this new stage of his life. Although it sometimes seems like it, understand your teenager It is not impossible, although you should know the following keys to make it a little easier.
The first thing to keep in mind is that we have ALL been there, and now, it is our son's turn. The second is that fortunately FINISH, that is, it has a beginning and an end. These two ideas are reason to, from now on, feel a bit more calm to smile.
Adolescence is a time that lasts from 12 years to 17-18 years, more or less. It is true that the greatest change occurs from 13 to 15 years. And that after 16, the issue begins to get along better, since the physical and emotional changes in our child making their treatment and accompaniment a little easier.
The main function of us parents is give our children enough tools, in this development of their lives, so that when they are 20 years old they will fly. At that moment, as parents, we will have another learning: learn to let them fly, but that will be another moment ...
Going back to adolescence, there are several issues to consider:
- We are his parents, so he unconditional love for them it will always prevail, whatever they do. Indeed, there will be consequences when their behavior is not the most appropriate.
- We are their parents, so for them, as adolescent children who are discovering themselves, we are the ones who are making their lives bitter. For that of reminding them of the limits and set standards to comply with.
- And finally, we are his parents, not your friends.
So, it is about making a good combination of these three ideas, to get along in this evolutionary cycle that adolescence supposes.
To begin to understand your adolescent son, I propose a game of empathy that will help you understand why they have such behaviors. I suggest you try to put yourself in their shoes and think how you would feel if all this happened to you, at the same time:
- You are having major physical changes in your body.
- You feel emotionally unstable.
- Doubts about you.
- You do not feel safe in personal relationships.
- You don't know who you are.
- You object to complying with the rules.
- You think nobody can understand you ...
To them, all of this causes distant, irritating, selfish, defiant, depressed behavior ... and whatever else you want to add. But how would you feel? Do you dare to express it?
So to achieve a quiet coexistence and harmony at home, you must take into account and learn to:
1. Be patient
It can be very useful to attend yoga classes, learn to meditate or control Mindfulness.
2. Make sure you are available to your child
Try that, whenever he needs you, you are there for your son (even if he is never there for you). Always bring out your best side, your best smile and your predisposition.
3. Learn to negotiate
Teenagers know how to negotiate very well, and in this age they are likely to test you with their negotiations continuously, for EVERYTHING.
4. Let your child learn to make mistakes
Let him choose, decide and of course, make a mistake. Bear in mind that we cannot always take chestnuts out of the fire and, furthermore, it is his life and therefore he has to learn.
5. Respect their privacy
Respect his "cave", his privacy and leave him in his isolation. I know, they are always locked in their room, but you have to learn to respect it, there is no other.
6. Tell him and show him that you love him
And of course, do not forget to always show your interest and love that you feel for him. He will reject you, but if you reject him, your child will think that you don't care.
It is a great moment to discover your adolescent son, accompany him and to know a new version of ourselves. Cheer up!
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